So, today marks 5 weeks in this pregnancy. I have already gained 2 lbs over the 3 lbs that I wound up gaining from the fertility drugs. I am fine with this, as it is a direct result of our dreams coming true. What I am not enjoying is the massive bloating that is preventing my pants from fitting. I went out and bought a band from Tar.get. I have yet to use it because I think I am scared. Of what? Who knows.
Maybe it is because it is made for pregnant women and maybe I am still not convinced that this is real. Maybe it is because I lost 40 pounds 3 years ago and it felt so good, I can't imagine starting all over again? I don't think so, though.
I think if I were exercising, it would make me feel a whole lot better. But I find that I can't bring myself to do it for fear that something awful will happen.
I have been having some spotting here and there. Nothing major, but enough for me to get myself worked up about it every time it happens. I can't tell you how many times in the past week that I wiped, blurted out "NO!" then looked up to the ceiling and asked it to please stop. It always has, but what if it doesn't one of these times? I am scared to go to the bathroom.
I generally eat pretty healthy. I love veggies, whole grains, nuts, fruit and fish. Being newly pregnant, I am working on learning the foods that I should be consuming and the foods that I should be avoiding. I am scared to eat without goog.ling "____(food) in early pregnancy". If I find out that I can have it - I start thinking about what it could be potentially doing to the baby. Was there a better option that I should have chosen? If I eat a bite of fish higher in mercury count (for example)- will my child suffer brain damage? After all - the brain begins its development in the 5th week.
And the list goes on.
Why am I so frightened? I hate it. I know as time goes on and we see a heartbeat and the pregnancy progresses, I will likely become less of a freak, but for now? I am a freak and I don't think that there is anything that I can do about it.
I wanted to say thank you to anyone who kept their fingers crossed for my love, Kim from Last American Girl Standing. It worked! She and her hubs transferred the two most beautiful embryo's I have ever seen today and in 11 short days they will be rejoicing :-)
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I am sending you peace while you get through these days. In my heart, I know everything will be just fine. XOXO
ReplyDeleteAnd your u/s is the day before my beta! :D
You are frightened beacuase IF has made you this way! Put the bella band on. Embrace this pregnancy. You have come so far...and darn it..you are pregnant! Tell yourself that! I was in the bella band at 5 weeks from the bloating. It seems to get worse in the afternoons. My pants don't even come close to buttoning now. From what I've heard though...by the time the bloating subsides, your belly will be a legit baby bump.
ReplyDeleteDon't live in fear. There is no reason for it. All you know is that you have a hard time getting pregnant....not staying pregnant!!!