So, today is day 4 after transfer. I had some really light spotting the morning after the transfer and called the nurse and she comforted me that the spotting was normal and that there was no way that I "pushed the embryo's out when I pooped this morning" because yes folks - that is a question that I asked. I mean, I eat a lot of fiber!
Anyway, I took it easy the day of transfer with the exception of having to go into work for a meeting from 3:30 to 5:30, which was pretty uneventful. The following day I resumed normal work activity and Saturday was filled with Farmers Market Fun.
The bloating from the meds has subsided and I feel completely 'normal'. Like, normal in way that I really don't want to be feeling right now. I want to be feeling pregnant. I want to be feeling our little embryo's burying themselves into my uterus. I want to feel nauseated. and I don't.
I was still remaining positive until I just made the nervous phone call to the Lab to check on my 5 embies that were baking away in the lab in preparation for freeze over the weekend. None of them made it. Not one. How in the hell do I hold on to hope that the two inside me made it past day 5 when they were almost all the same quality?
I know that my RE's office says that this process is an emotional one and that I can contact them anytime to talk to a nurse about my "situation". I have never felt like I needed to previously. I have a great support system. For some reason right now, I feel alone and I feel like calling that nurse and cursing at them. I feel like I want to cry, but I cant because I am at work and I don't want anyone to ask me any questions. I don't want pity. I don't want to be told that I knew that this could happen, most of all - I don't want to talk about it out-loud.
I feel like it is all a scam. I feel like they have faked me out. Why couldn't they have just waited for Day 5 to transfer and then I would have known - no living embryo's = no chance of pregnancy.
Now I have to sit here for the next 8 days. Am I going to try to stay hopeful? Yes. Is it going to be difficult to force my mind into a dream land and ignore reality? extremely.
This sucks.
***UPDATE***
So now I am spotting. It started very light pink, and now it is brown. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this is good sign! Unless it turns into the dreaded AF - I am going to do my best to be positive and think that it is :-)
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Stay hopeful. I believe "pregnancy symptoms" are a total scam. I felt nothing. I had a few AF like cramps after transfer and that was it. My boobs didn't hurt that bad, I had no implantation spotting, no "twinges"...i was totally convinced that I was NOT pregnant. Low and behold, my two frozen totsicles did some magic. It only takes one!
ReplyDeleteyeah, i had no pregnancy symptoms and was pregnant after 2nd IVF.
ReplyDeletespotting however, is a good sign of implamntation.
Keep in mind embryos survive WAY better in your womb that in a lab..
Very sorry about your frozens.. but i really really hope that your babies are the ones you are gestating right now. Crossing my fingers!
i am thinking of you today. i just read on your sidebar that today is beta? is that correct?
ReplyDelete